A long time ago when I was young, in school I read the story in the Bible of Mary and Joseph going off to be counted in the census. I puzzled over “…to be registered with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child.”
Betrothed I understood to mean ‘engaged’ to be married. The teacher did not care to explain it. Since then, well, comparatively recently, I discovered the significance of what this meant.
When I was researching for Hold the Faith, which I thought would be one book but turned into five, I needed to find out what betrothal entails.
One of the people in the book was about to become betrothed. What I found out explained such a lot, and even more about commitment to Christ. (The account of the full betrothal was moved, but the understanding helped in the five books in the series and in the free 1st novella.)
Betrothal in the Bible
Probably the most common way is for the fathers – the groom’s and the bride’s fathers agree when their children are young. Well, more accurately when the girl is young, because men did not seem to be considered ‘ready’ for the responsibility of marriage until they were older.
The agreement between the fathers could have been as soon as the girl was born. Some betrothals were part of business ‘deals’ between fathers.
The ‘formal’ betrothal was not held until the girl ‘showed signs’ i.e. started menstruating. Heirs were necessary.
Contrary to the beliefs of some ‘women’s rights’ groups, a girl was not generally forced into marriage. (Although in one instance in one of the books, pressure was exerted on the girl to agree.) It was necessary for the woman to agree in my story.
The Betrothal Ceremony
Several variations of this ceremony were researched, but the simplest one was what I used.
In front of the father (or the mother if the father was dead) and/or in front of witnesses, the groom offered a cup of wine to the bride. He asked her if she would drink of his cup. In this way he was asking her to share his life.
Sometimes I added the words, for clarity. If she drank from his cup, she was accepting the offer to share his life, marriage to him.
Betrothal was binding. It was considered a marriage. (Which is why Mary was sometimes referred to as Joseph’s wife.)
The only way to end a betrothal, other than by marriage was divorce.
Matthew 1:19 (NIV) Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
Barnes notes says…
The law of Moses gave the husband the power of divorce, Deuteronomy 24:1. It was customary in a bill of divorce to specify the causes for which the divorce was made, and witnesses were also present to testify to the divorce. But in this case, it seems, Joseph resolved to put her away without specifying the cause; for he was not willing to make her a public example.
Although the betrothal was as binding as marriage it was not consummated.
The bridegroom went to ‘prepare a place’ – it may have been an extension to his parents’ home, or he may have wanted to build a home.
The bride ‘made herself ready.’
There were no stores where she could buy a dress for her wedding, or the linen for the household she would be forming. She had to sew everything.
She purchased the material – probably at a market stall.
She brought it home and sewed it, – by hand. There were no sewing machines.
For that matter… no electricity either.
When the bridegroom had prepared a home for his wife, he returned to claim his wife and take her to her home with him.
This is a significantly ‘potted’ version of a betrothal, but if you are a Bible believer, perhaps you have noticed the significance.
Christ said – And since I’m going away to prepare a place for you, I’ll come back again and welcome you into my presence, so that you may be where I am. John 14: 3 (ISV)
His bride was making herself ready while waiting…
Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Rev 19: 7 (NIV)
So the entire betrothal analogy has great significance for Christians, but for many the meaning is lost.
In the ‘throw-away’ society of the world we live in, not even marriage is binding, so – sadly, much of the significance is lost.
Perhaps though, this will help you understand something that is not often talked about in our time.
I hope so,