After the funeral is over do any of these statements fit? I no longer knew who I was. My ‘role’ was no longer required, a Carer was no longer needed. I had time but the routine was gone.
- The time I spent caring, accompanying him/her to hospital or doctor appointments, sitting by the bedside is no longer needed
- I lost sleep when the ambulance took him/her to hospital and worried if he/she would be alive the next day when I visited.
- Our lives revolved around each other.
- My life revolved around caring for his/her needs.
As another friend and I shared experiences recently… when you are a Carer, even shopping trips need to be timed and worked out to fit with the needs of the person you are caring for. How much time is there? Standing in a queue at a supermarket, or even attending your own doctor appointment can be too long.
After the funeral is over
You/I forget to care for your/myself.
So when there is the time, what do we do with it?
I ‘muddled through’ but I see now there are many sites where you can find others sharing.
Would we not rather have less time and have the person we cared for back… rhetorical ‘cos it just does not happen.
Some of us make new roles, but for the most part they are secondary to the ones that are lost.
Then when something special happens – the one you most want to share it with is no longer there.
The role of the redundant Carer can be lonely…
However, new roles CAN be developed. What is gone is not something that can be found, but some of those functions can be channelled in other areas. It will take however long you need it to take. Reflect back on your life as a carer.
Ever wondered why the best people who understand what you are going through help? Probably because they have tread the road before you.
Take hope, that person survived. So can you.
No one has ever suffered your loss, walked in your shoes. They walked their own, and know how difficult it is.
My husband sleeps in a Memorial Park in a bushland setting.